3 svar
217 visningar
Watersheep 3 – Fd. Medlem
Postad: 27 sep 2019 12:52

Finish the story

Behöver respons. Finns det något som jag ska ändra? Något grammatisk fel eller något ord som behövs bytas ut? 

Det kursiverade är början av en text som jag sedan skulle fortsätta på. 

 

David was enjoying his morning run. He felt fit and full of energy, as he jogged through the field with the early sun warming him. He ran along beside the high hedge, until he came to the iron gate. Quickly, he climbed over it and set off across the meadow at a faster pace. He was thinking of the cross-country race he would be competing in at the weekend. Then he noticed a shape moving towards him through the early mist. It was…


It was tall and slim and had the shape human. Except that its legs and arms were blurred. Could it be because of the sun? David thought. David rubbed his eyes and squinted but this time when he looked at the figure it almost looked like its legs and arms were completely gone. His mind were scattered. He tried to think but got distracted as It began to move faster towards him. David tried to move, run away but he was frozen stiff. As if his legs was nailed into the ground. He could feel how the energy ran out of his body as well as his conscious. His mind flowed further and further away from him. The sun was right above him, a drop of sweat ran down his cheek. His environment stopped and the only thing that was moving was the figure that had turned into a cloth. He couldn't focus or think. As his iris looked around he could see things that he'd never noticed before. The asphalt that were glowing in the sun, the last drops of dew on the grass and the sunbeams that were dancing in the sky. He felt dizzy. At the time his conscious was weak he had never imagined this much. He had never felt more alive. For a second that felt like a lifetime a whole ton of emotions, thoughts and feelings had been given to him. At the moment he had forgotten about the situation he was in. But then out of nowhere a emptiness took place. His emotions vanished.  Everything that just happened, his thoughts and his visions reversed right in front of his eyes and then it turned white. He couldn't feel his body. Was he dead? Or perhaps had he just passed out. The dizziness were at it final stage and he could feel how his conscious got stronger. The white turned to bright yellow and he began to see a road. It looked familiar but he couldn't tell from where he had seen it before. He tried his greatest to remember where the road were from but he just couldn't quite put his finger on it. He got interrupted by a strange feeling in his leg as if it began to move without he moving it and before he even knew the other leg began to move to. As the time past his legs were almost running but he couldn't control them. He had focused on his legs so much that he did not notice his surrounding. There were houses, cars and people around him. He blinked a few times to get a better vision. Each time he blinked he felt better. Hes councous was almost reset and he could move his head and fingers. He ran and then he realised that he were running in his own neighborhood. His thoughts began to spin in his head. What happened really? Did he run away from the field without knowing? Or what happened to the cloth that was hunting him? He’s thoughts was cut out by another thought. He was probably just dreaming, he thought. Sooner or later he will wake up and everything will be as it used to be before this dream. A confident smile appeared on his face. He had solved it. It were all just a dream. 


He saw his house and jogged thru his driveway to the front door. He grabbed his keys from his pocket and unlocked the front door. He felt confident. He took of his shoes and walked up the stairs and walked to the fridge and grabbed a protein shake and thought; soon I will wake up from this dream. 

But sadly that day never came. 

The next day in the newspaper; 


Missing 

David Roggerburrey 

Last seen 12/5 at the grocery store 


(30 years later)

He went missing the weekend before the 75th competition which is every year, thirty years ago today. No one knows where or why he went missing. There were no traces of him. But some people say that his spirit still runs by the field every year when the competition takes place. 


The end

Affe Jkpg 6630
Postad: 27 sep 2019 14:11

It was long and narrow and had a human shape, except that David did not entirely identify its legs and arms. Could the reason be because of the sun, David thought? David rubbed his eyes and peered, but this time when he looked at the figure it almost looked like its legs and arms were completely gone. David became confused and tried to think, but got distracted as the figure began to move faster towards him……………...

anonymellen 1 – Fd. Medlem
Postad: 11 nov 2019 11:52

 He was thinking of the cross-country race he would be competing in at the weekend. Ändra "in at the weekend" till "in this weekend". It was tall and slim and had the shape human. Borde skrivas " it was tall and slim, like the shape of a human" eller " shaped like a human". 

godisklubba 4
Postad: 12 nov 2019 01:33

Din text: "It was tall and slim and had the shape human. Except that its legs and arms were blurred. Could it be because of the sun? David thought. David rubbed his eyes and squinted but this time when he looked at the figure it almost looked like its legs and arms were completely gone."

 

vad jag skulle föreslå: It was tall and slim and had the shape human, except that its legs and arms were blurred. Could it be because of the sun? David thought. He rubbed his eyes and squinted. This time when he looked at the figure, it almost looked like hos legs and arms were completely gone. 

La in mina förslag som tjock text, för att det ska vara enklare att hitta. Har inte tid att sitta mer just nu, men kan säkerligen återkomma senare idag :) 

Svara Avbryt
Close