Feedback på argumenterande text
Jag fick i uppgift att skriva en argumenterande text, just nu har jag inte skrivit en sammanfattning eller källhänvisat vilket är varför det i vissa delar står i texten "(footnotes)" som påminnelser där jag ska källhänvisa - så att ni är medvetna om det.
Iallafall så skulle det vara till mycket hjälp ifall jag fick lite feedback helt enkelt
In order to survive, we must colonize space before it’s too late.
What if humanity grew to be so technologically advanced that we would be able to colonize other parts of interstellar space, and why would it matter, possibly more than anything else?
Throughout history, the desire to explore the unknown and continually push the boundaries of humankind, is what has ultimately led to the development of our species. But today, governments seem to be more interested in a nuclear arms race rather than the future of our children and planet Earth.
If we’re to survive, we must look towards the limitless possibilities of space, and we must do so now, before humanity gets erased from existence by some disaster that we neither can foresee nor control.
Colonizing space would be the ultimate back-up
Things like climate change, food shortages, deadly pandemics, nuclear wars to asteroid impacts and technological disasters caused by humans may sound like fiction at first, but in reality, they’re all very real existential threats to humanity (footnotes).
If such events were to occur today, tomorrow or any time in the near future, all of humankind would be at a great risk of extinction(footnote). Why, you might ask, because we’re all packed together onto this one planet. If, however, we no longer were limited to Earth but instead spread across different parts of our solar system and possibly further throughout our galaxy, the chances of such events resulting in a life-threatening outcome for all of humanity would be significantly lower.
But colonizing space itself isn't an easy task nor a cheap one (footnotes). In order to colonize planets, we would need technology that would allow us to create self-sustaining ecosystems on inhabitable planets, also known as terraforming.
Despite this meaning overcoming multiple technological challenges, it would be just the thing that we would need to not only create ideal conditions for life on other planets but also on our own. Meaning, the idea of humans becoming an interplanetary species, would not only ensure the survival of the human race but possibly even save our own planet and it’s beautiful creatures from catastrophic climate events. Besides, who knows what revolutionizing discoveries and technologies we will develop in the near future as a by-product of us trying to colonize space.
“But shouldn’t we finish our priorities before we start new ones? Don’t we have enough problems here on Earth today that the money should go towards?”
Yes, we do indeed have a whole load of different problems that plague us here on Earth such as global warming, poverty, wars, diseases and viruses killing millions of people, and of course we should solve them. We’re not saying that we should spend all our money towards space, however, if we don’t act now, all of humanity will be at risk of dying, which would save no one.
Furthermore, not only can the colonization of space lead to limitless scientific discoveries that would directly benefit the environment here on earth, such as terraforming, but it would also lead to unimaginable wealth.
Space mining could save the world
The 1.7 trillion dollar mining industry is something that supplies us with loads of important raw materials which are essential for modern-day human civilization. Without these materials, you wouldn’t have a smartphone, we wouldn’t have cars, and society would collapse since these materials clearly play a fundamental role within the global economy (footnotes).
But the extraction of these raw materials that lay beneath the surface comes with a cost, and not just any cost, but an extreme one. Massive pollution and exploitation are all great examples of problems caused by mainly the mining industry (footnotes).
Furthermore, with the rapidly increasing strain on Earth's natural resources, we would need about 1.7 planets like Earth in order to compensate for the amount we exploit (footnote) and things will only get worse as third world countries continue to develop, causing a demand that Earth simply can not handle.
So instead of limiting our consumption, which really isn’t a sustainable option in the long-run, the best solution would be an off-planet one. Why? Because all the planets, moons and asteroids that orbit within our solar system also have one thing in common, an unlimited supply of rare and possibly undiscovered resources, that would change everything.
According to Asterank, a scientific and economic database of more than 600,000 asteroids, more than 500 asteroids have an estimated profit of more than $100 trillion dollars. The asteroid mining company leaders, such as Elon Musk, will most likely become the first trillionaires and not to mention all the internet pioneers that will capitalize on the new revolutionizing market.
But how would this benefit us, normal people? Although it may seem like the only ones who’ll benefit from the opportunity will be the “rainmakers”, let’s not forget how much governments would have earned. Such a large amount of money could solve every single problem we’re currently facing here on Earth, without having to destroy ecosystems, and in a world where no one is taken advantage of.
Är ingen lärare, men vet en del som krävs för högre betyg:
1. Försök korta ner meningarna (ha varierade meningslängder), och undvik onödiga kommatecken. T.ex i meningen i introduktionen: (...) push the boundaries of humankind is what has ultimately (...).
2. Försök hitta ord (med hjälp av navigeringsfönster om du använder Word) som du repeterar, och ersätt med andra ord. Variera också linking words.
3. Bra vokabulär (skriv inte But i början av meningarna).
4. Försök ha färre stycken i antal, men däremot större stycken. I introduktionen kan du också försöka väva in de 3 styckena i 1-2 stycken.
Finns nog mkt annat som lärarna kan tillägga (inkl. din lärare).
är ingen lärare, men kan ge dig tips, försök att använda bindeord eller konjuktioner som furthermore, in addition, despite, etc. Sök upp definitionerna och använd dem. EN annan sak börja inte en mening med BUT. Det är fel och läraren kommer ge dig minus poäng. Ett bättre ord att använda är HOWEVER,