Kan jag få lite feedback på min engelska läxa?
The Bank robbery
In 1973 there was a bank robbery in Sweden that would later cause a psychiatric phenomenon called The Stockholm syndrome. It all started with the bank robber Jan-Erik Olsson that was on leave from prison. He walked into the bank with a submachine gun and started shooting on the roof to declare the bank robbery. He took four workers at the bank as hostages. The robber Jan-Erik Olsson demanded 300 000 swedish kronor, a getaway car and the release of another prisoner called Clark Olofsson. Clark Olofsson was in prison because of an armed robbery and murder of a policeman. After a few hours the police gave Jan-Erik Olsson the money, Olofsson and a blue Ford Mustang. But Jan-Erik Olsson demanded to leave with the four hostages so he could drive away safely. But the police would not let them leave with the hostages. The robbers was stuck in the bank for the next six days trying to find a way out. Everyone was worried about the hostages in Sweden and read about it in the newspapers every day. But for some reason the hostages felt safe around the robbers and even supported them. The hostages described later that the bank robbers were quite nice to them. Olsson gave one of the hostages, Kristin Enmark, a wool jacket when she started to shiver. He also gave her a bullet from his gun as a souvenir. He also encouraged another hostage to call her family. When a hostage named Elisabet Oldgren suffered from claustrophobia the bank robbers let her go outside of the vault with a 30 foot long rope. Elisabet later said that she thought it was very kind to let her out of the vault. This all led them to be more worried that the police would hurt them than the bank robbers. One of the hostages even called the prime minister of Sweden and asked him to let the robbers go. The hostages felt sympathetic to the robbers even if they had threatened with physical harm. In one point the bank robbers threatened to shoot one hostage in the leg. The hostage later told the police that he thought it was very kind of the robber just to shoot his leg. On the sixth day the police decided to go into the bank. The police threw teargas into the bank vault and the bank robbers surrendered. Even after they had been rescued the hostages still continued to defend the robbers. When the robbers were in jail the ex hostages visited and sent them letters. One of the hostages asked their psychiatrist “is there something wrong with me? Why don’t i hate them?”. After months of examination the theory of Stockholm syndrome appeared.
The robber Jan-Erik Olsson demanded 300 000 swedish kronor Swedish crowns*
Du tycks ha inhämtat mer exklusiva språkkunskaper, än man förväntar från en grundskoleelev.
Exempel på några små anmärkningar:
...shooting at the ceiling...för han stod väl inte på taket :-)
He took four bank employees as hostages…workers hittar man inte på en bank....
Se över alla but...but...but...he also...he also...
He also gave her a cartridge as a souvenir. Hade han även pistol? En amerikan kan skämta om skillnaden mellan rifle och gun på ett sätt som du förmodligen inte förväntar dig. Helst undviker jag det ordet och skriver i stället t.ex. pistol. En bullet är typiskt kulan man hittar när man skjutit eller toppen på en patron (cartridge).
Historien säger också att polisen använde en betong-håltagnings-maskin, och borrade ett stort hål i valvtaket, vilket förorsakade ett förfärligt och långvarigt oväsen. Tårgasgranater kastades sedan in via detta hål.
Det skulle vara bra med komma här och där för att göra långa meningar tydligare.
Man brukar inte använda "that" i skrift om en person, även om en del pratar så. ("that was on leave")
"In one point" -> "At one point".
"The robbers was stuck" -> were
"The hostages described later that the bank robbers were quite nice to them." behöver skrivas om (tycker jag)
"the hostages later described the bank robbers as ..." men det blir kanske omständigt med slutet på meningen
"the hostages later said that the bank robbers had been quite nice to them" får duga
Det är stor skillnad mellan ...murder...murder attempt