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Kunskap är makt 108
Postad: 8 jan 14:56 Redigerad: 8 jan 16:53

Write an essay entitled: An inspiring person and your motivation why she/she inspires you.

 

Hej

Jag sskulle uppskatta generell feedback på texten då jag vill utvecklas till en så bra skribent som möjligt i engelska.

Ex. har jag använt rätt ord i rätt mening, sambandsord, felaktig formulering av mening, bör avsluta texten bättre etc.

Uppskattar all feedback!

Mvh,

       

Write an essay entitled: An inspiring person and your motivation why she/she inspires you.

It’s worthwhile to be inspired during your lifetime. Your life is a journey, the more people you get inspired by, the more you grow as a person. I’m growing at the moment by channeling a bunch of inspiring voices, for instance Emma Watson. She is an example of a women who openly speaks up about the economic, political and social equality of the sexes. Emma is mostly known as Hermonie in the Harry Potter films.

Today she is representing herself as a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and she has been in this position for quite a while now. She has launched a UN campaign called HeForShe with the main purpose of ending gender inequality by illustrating how tangible it is. She has galvanized mens to be advocates for change. I’m inspired by her campaign and also want to launch one of my one, driven by almost the same purpose. 

She is an inspiring voice to me and a role model for our world today and hopefully for future generations. I can relate many things she says during her lectures. Two things that stood out for me the most was how she described that every male and female is imprisoned by stereotypes they feel forced to follow and that women feel compelled to be submissive when men feel forced to be aggressive in order to be accepted. We need more people like her! In other words we are in lack of people who aren’t afraid of speaking up the truth!

Emma Watson is a perfect illustration of how we can end inequality. Mostly thanks to her influences she makes on a basis. Anyone, anywhere can talk part of her speech and it gives She inspire us to wake up from our quasi world and face the reality. It’s just then we can achieve a change. 

Emma is a feminist. The word “feminism” is by definition a belief that men and women should have equal rights in society. Sadly, my recent research has shown me that feminism has become an unpopular word. Many women are choosing not to identify as feminists. Thanks to her, we are changing people’s view of it and making more people comfortable to be themselves. 

Going back to equality women and men's equal rights haven't been implemented in reality. Women and men have faced  inequality as long as humanity has existed. But it seems to have escilated over the last 10 years according to a recent research.  Based on what I observe now and what my studies assume, no country can yet say that they have achieved gender equality. It's sad to make those statements, but we shouldn't hide the truth experienced by some.

Human equality rights are rights  I  and probably many other people consider as human rights, but I must say that I'm one of the lucky ones. My life is a sheer privilege. My parents didn’t love me less because I was born as a girl, my mentors didn’t limit me because I was a girl and they didn't assume I would go less far because I might give birth to a girl. These influences are the gender equality ambassadors who are changing my life and the world today. Emma Watson is one of those gender ambassadors. 

I love her way of ending her speech. “If not now, when. If not me, who? Anyone can persuade those powerful words for themselves before a speech infront of a lot of people. Two sententes, eight words with great and powerful meaning. Probably motivating anyone to take a step forward for a change, not hinder us from doubting on ourselves if we are doing the right thing when possibilities are presented to us.

To adress this issue, it's crucial to impement an inspiring sfear for young people with good inspiring people to channel in order to inspire more to achive a change in anything for real. 

SaintVenant 3799
Postad: 9 jan 14:55 Redigerad: 9 jan 15:07
Kunskap är makt skrev:

It’s worthwhile to be inspired during your lifetime. Your life is a journey, the more people you get inspired by, the more you grow as a person. I’m growing at the moment by channeling a bunch of inspiring voices...

Vad menar du med channeling? Menar du ungefär "drawing energy from" eller liknande?

...for instance Emma Watson. She is an example of a women...

Grammatik.

...who openly speaks up about the economic, political and social equality of the sexes.

Equality eller inequality?

Emma is mostly known as Hermonie in the Harry Potter films.

Felstavat namn.

Today she is representing herself as a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and she has been in this position for quite a while now.

Jag tror inte detta är rätt. Det uttrycket brukar man använda i juridiska sammanhang när någon ber om att få föra sin egen talan i en domstol, till exempel.

She has launched a UN campaign called HeForShe with the main purpose of ending gender inequality by illustrating how tangible it is. She has galvanized mens to be advocates for change.

Grammatik. Bra ordval med "tangible" och "galvanized".

I’m inspired by her campaign and also want to launch one of my one, driven by almost the same purpose. 

Fel ord. Kanske utveckla vad du menar med "almost".

She is an inspiring voice to me and a role model for our world today and hopefully for future generations. I can relate many things she says during her lectures.

Det saknas ett "to" som i "relate to many". Håller hon verkligen "lectures" eller är det mer "talks", fundera på det.

Two things that stood out for me the most...

Här kan "to" vara bättre än "for", men det är lite av en smaksak.

...was how she described that every male and female is imprisoned by stereotypes they feel forced to follow and that women feel compelled to be submissive when men feel forced to be aggressive in order to be accepted.

Detta är en lite väl lång mening. Fundera på om du kan stycka upp den lite.

We need more people like her! In other words we are in lack of people who aren’t afraid of speaking up the truth!

Bra med uttrycksfull text!

Emma Watson is a perfect illustration of how we can end inequality. Mostly thanks to her influences she makes on a basis.

Kanske ska skriva "the influences" eller något annat ord. Använd Thesaurus.com för tips.

 Du menar sedan nog "on a daily basis".

Anyone, anywhere can

Saknas komma efter can.

talk part of her speech

Menar du kanske "take part in her speech"? Det fungerar inte riktigt. Fundera på att skriva om.

and it gives

Här saknas något efter "gives".

She inspire us to wake up from our quasi world and face the reality.

Grammatik på inspire.

Vad menar du med "quasi world"? Menar du låtsasvärld eller fantasivärld?

It’s just then we can achieve a change. 

Fungerar inte riktigt på engelska att skriva så här. Men om du vill ha det, ändra "just" till only och lägg till "that" mellan then och we

Emma is a feminist. The word “feminism” is by definition a belief that men and women should have equal rights in society. Sadly, my recent research has shown me that feminism has become an unpopular word. Many women are choosing not to identify as feminists. Thanks to her, we are changing people’s view of it and making more people comfortable to be themselves. 

Bra sats, bra meningar och uttryck.

Going back to equality women and men's equal rights haven't been implemented in reality.

Komma efter "equality".

Women and men have faced  inequality as long as humanity has existed. But it seems to have escilated over the last 10 years according to a recent research. 

Du kan ha komma efter existed eller byta ut "But". Felstavning på "Escalated".

Based on what I observe now and what my studies assume, no country can yet say that they have achieved gender equality.

Assume? Hur menar du? Vad antar de exakt?

It's sad to make those statements, but we shouldn't hide the truth experienced by some.

Human equality rights are rights  I  and probably many other people consider as human rights, but I must say that I'm one of the lucky ones.

Du försöker säga något bra men jag skulle skriva om detta. Human right are rights considered human rights låter lite konstigt.

My life is a sheer privilege. My parents didn’t love me less because I was born as a girl, my mentors didn’t limit me because I was a girl and they didn't assume I would go less far because I might give birth to a girl.

Vad menar du här? Vad har att du kanske föder en flicka med detta att göra menar du?

These influences are the gender equality ambassadors who are changing my life and the world today. Emma Watson is one of those gender ambassadors. 

Överväg att skriva "influencers".

I love her way of ending her speech. “If not now, when. If not me, who? Anyone can persuade those powerful words for themselves before a speech infront of a lot of people.

Persuade? Du menar nog något annat. 

Two sententes, eight words with great and powerful meaning. Probably motivating anyone to take a step forward for a change, not hinder us from doubting on ourselves if we are doing the right thing when possibilities are presented to us.

Felstavning.

To adress this issue, it's crucial to impement an inspiring sfear for young people with good inspiring people to channel in order to inspire more to achive a change in anything for real. 

Felstavning x3

Expandera kanske här i slutet vad du menar med channel. Eller i början.

Bra text! Modigt skriven med bra flyt och många bra ordval.

Kunskap är makt 108
Postad: 9 jan 15:53

Today she is representing herself as a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador and she has been in this position for quite a while now.

Vad kan jag skriva istället för representing herself as..?

naytte 3492
Postad: 9 jan 15:59

today she acts as...

today she is...

today she works as...

Det finns massor med alternativ.

Kunskap är makt 108
Postad: 9 jan 16:01

En till fråga! Hur kan jag korta ner meningen som följer

..was how she described that every male and female is imprisoned by stereotypes they feel forced to follow and that women feel compelled to be submissive when men feel forced to be aggressive in order to be accepted. 

naytte 3492
Postad: 9 jan 16:10 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:13

...was how she explained that every person has societal expectations placed upon him, and that both men and women feel forced to act according to those expectations. In order to be accepted, women feel compelled to act submissively, while men feel the need to act aggressively.

Något sådant, kanske? Här körde jag på generiskt maskulinum (placed upon him) men du kan byta ut det mot "him or her" eller kanske till och med "them". Personligen tycker jag "them" flyter bäst men det är fortfarande omtvistat huruvida det är korrekt.

naytte 3492
Postad: 9 jan 16:20 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:21

Och hur väl måste man underbygga sina ståndpunkter? Detta verkar inte vara en argumenterande text så det kanske inte är så viktigt, men det kan ofta vara bra att underbygga det man skriver så gott som går. T.ex. skriver du:

Going back to equality women and men's equal rights haven't been implemented in reality. Women and men have faced  inequality as long as humanity has existed. But it seems to have escilated over the last 10 years according to a recent research.

Enligt vilka undersökningar/efterforskningar då? Vad exakt är det de har visat?

Two things that stood out for me the most was how she described that every male and female is imprisoned by stereotypes they feel forced to follow and that women feel compelled to be submissive when men feel forced to be aggressive in order to be accepted.

Talade hon verkligen om varje kvinna och varje man? Det låter lite märkligt.

Based on what I observe now and what my studies assume, no country can yet say that they have achieved gender equality. It's sad to make those statements, but we shouldn't hide the truth experienced by some.

Hur har man undersökt detta? Återigen, vilka undersökningar/vilka efterforskningar då? 


Bara några tankar som en potentiell läsare (jag) skulle ha. Bra text generellt!

Kunskap är makt 108
Postad: 9 jan 16:21 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:30

3) To adress this issue, it's crucial to impement an inspiring sfear for young people with good inspiring people to channel in order to inspire more to achive a change in anything for real. 

Vad kan jag skriva istället för channel? Hittar inget:)

 

4) Based on what I observe now and what my studies assume, no country can yet say that they have achieved gender equality.

Vad kan jag skriva isf assume

Kunskap är makt 108
Postad: 9 jan 16:26 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:30

She inspires us to wake up from our quasi world and face the reality. Vad menar du med "quasi world"? Menar du låtsasvärld eller fantasivärld?

 

- Ja, det menar jag. Är det rätt ordval? Vad kan jag skriva annars?

explained that every person has social expectations placed upon him

Varför skriver man "him"?

 

naytte 3492
Postad: 9 jan 16:38 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:39

Många europeiska språk, däribland engelska, har vad som kallas för ett generiskt maskulinum. Även på svenska finns detta. Det innebär att det könsneutrala pronomenet, dvs. det pronomen man kan använda för både kvinnor och män, är maskulint. "He" på engelska, "Han" på svenska och "Er" på tyska, för att nämna några.

På både svenska och engelska (främst svenska) har det blivit ovanligare och ovanligare med tiden. Men om du går tillbaka några decennier i litteraturen kommer du stöta på det hela tiden. 

Som sagt kan du använda "him or her" eller bara "they". Det är dock, som nämnt, omtvistat huruvida "they" är korrekt att använda i singular. Personligen tycker jag det flyter bättre men om ditt mål är att skriva så korrekt som möjligt kanske du vill undvika det.

Kunskap är makt 108
Postad: 9 jan 16:40 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:47

Skulle jag få fel på ett prov om jag skrev 

explained that every person has social expectations placed upon him

Skulle man få poängavdrag om man missade källhänvisning? Källan man baserar sina slutsatser på?

I följande stycken du också markerat

Going back to equality women and men's equal rights haven't been implemented in reality. Women and men have faced  inequality as long as humanity has existed. But it seems to have escilated over the last 10 years according to a recent research.

 

Based on what I observe now and what my studies assume, no country can yet say that they have achieved gender equality. It's sad to make those statements, but we shouldn't hide the truth experienced by some.

 

 

 

naytte 3492
Postad: 9 jan 16:48 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:49

Skulle jag få fel på ett prov om jag skrev: 

explained that every person has social expectations placed upon him

Nej, för det är inte fel. Man kan ha sina synpunkter på det generiska maskulinet som sådant men det är inte fel. Om din lärarinna eller lärare mot all förmodan skulle dra poäng är det bara att hänvisa till t.ex:

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/he

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/he

Eller några andra av de tusentals engelskspråkiga ordböckerna som finns på internet.


Skulle man få poängavdrag om man missade källhänvisning? Källan man baserar sina slutsatser på?

Det beror på vilken typ av text det ska vara. Men om ditt mål är att övertyga dina läsare om att du har rätt är det viktigt att förklara varför du har rätt, vad har du för bevis för att det du skriver stämmer? Som det är nu har du gjort påståenden och hänvisat till din "recent research". Men det räcker inte. Du bör även förklara vad som utgör dina efterforskningar. Vilka studier har du läst? Vad exakt säger de? Och så vidare. 

Kunskap är makt 108
Postad: 9 jan 16:49 Redigerad: 9 jan 16:51

1. Om det är en text på NP engelska man skriver som handlar om samma sak? 

2. Är det rätt att använda ordet quasi world i sammanhanget?

She inspires us to wake up from our quasi world and face the reality. 

 

SaintVenant 3799
Postad: 9 jan 20:23 Redigerad: 9 jan 20:24

Quasi world är lite för poetiskt för grundskolan, tror jag. Det är ett okej sätt att uttrycka det på, men ovanligt av en anledning.

Man brukar prata om att Quasi rent etymologiskt betyder "nästan" eller mittemellan "vara eller inte vara". I detta fall så passar det nog bättre med "dream world" som det är nu.

Annars kan du använda Quasi men syfta då snarare på quasi-equality eller liknande. Exempelvis som nedan:

"She inspires us to face reality and accept that we have only achieved quasi-equality between genders . It is only after such an acknowledgement that true change can be pursued."

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